Worlds Colliding

I had some stories to tell you.

Perhaps about the day I spent with the 10th graders on a “field trip” to the local theme park. How I wasn’t really asked but told I was going to chaperone which I wanted to decline except for the fact that when the kids heard I was going, they cheered. Man, sometimes they have me wrapped around their fingers (however, not with homework). How the told me from the beginning that I “HAD” to ride all of the rides with them no matter how kid-like (giant swing ride) or unsafe and unsanitary (ride that jolts you all over, with about 25 other people while you are NOT wearing any form of safely belt or restraint). How I watched them argue with and sweet talk the ride operators into letting them go just once more. How we had it out in bumper cars and that opened up conversations to connect with students in new and deeper ways, hearing about their lives.

Perhaps about the Sunday I came in and two girls said “Miss! We haven’t seen you in a long time!,” when it had really just been the last Thursday of our regular school week. Warm and fuzzy.

Perhaps about the women that work at my favorite place to grade and work and sip a latte that started introducing themselves to me, opening up doors for more conversation.

I love those stories and they remind me of why I have enjoyed my time here, along with many other reasons and people. I like the retelling.

The reality though, is that today is just one of those days that being overseas is kind of hard. The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of colliding worlds as I went back to the US to be in one of my best friend’s wedding and see family. I knew it would be fast and that would make me sad but I didn’t realize that I would be as sad to leave as I was. I also didn’t realize how different it would feel being back in the States. It was strange sitting in the Dallas airport, surrounded by…white people – in western clothes….and…cowboys? I could understand what people were saying and service at Starbucks wasn’t quite as friendly as in Bahrain. It felt pretty surreal and even hearing the conversations people were having about different things in life was strange. A lot seemed so menial in such a big world, yet I know those are parts of life. I just wished people could get out and see the world. I felt out of place just taking it all in. Even sharing stories was weird because unless a person has experienced living abroad, there are elements that they just won’t understand.

The trip itself was great, wonderful time with some best friends, great new friends made, beautiful wedding, stellar time with my man, lots of fun with family. It was just hard to say hello and goodbye to some of the most loved and important people in my life after spending only 2-3 days with them. I dreaded getting back on the plane and dreaded even more the thought of the next three months.

I attempted to sleep most of the plane rides and in airports so I didn’t have to think about it. Almost right after getting off the plane, the evening call to prayer came through the speakers at the airport – I was back…home. It was very encouraging to be met by good friends Josh and Alison and little Eva. Reminders of why I love my home here too. Seeing more friends the last couple of days was also good.

Today’s Easter was pretty different from usual. Had breakfast at 6am of fish and bread (Galilean style) to start the day with friends, a new tradition. I then had some time alone to read. Spent a few hours at the pool with a friend and enjoyed great conversation and chill time. It was fun but as I drove home in the afternoon, I just was a overwhelmed with feeling really sad and down. On a day that usually was spent with family and best friends being at service and then the Easter meal and fellowship for the day. I just felt such a big hole of loneliness on this day that is usually full of people and missed people terribly.

I decided I would go to Caribou so I wouldn’t be alone – thought that might help. I went, decided no – it wasn’t what I wanted - it still seemed drab. I drove by home and then decided that that sounded even more depressing as that meant being totally alone so I drove back to the coffee shop and it was just overcrowded with people I didn’t know speaking a language I can’t yet understand and the sense of being alone in the middle of a full coffee shop almost felt worse. So I left and headed home. All this time I was rolling around in my mind what was wrong with me?!?! I seemed to be running around away from something. I was reminded of some very important things….1. I tend to not like being alone and silence sometimes scares me but silence and alone time are good – to truly think well and be in a good place spiritually. 2. I have for a long time felt created to work overseas and called to it. It won’t always be easy or fun but I will be sustained through it and always have been. 3. Nothing, no one in THIS world will satisfy the longings of my heart or can meet me in my places of loneliness or discontentment. I am grateful for One bigger than this world, every day and especially on this day.

So as I sit down to grade and plan some more, I will remember fondly a three way cuddle with my girls in MN - looking forward to the next one, remember fun games with my family and eat Scooby-Doo fruit snacks while thinking about my favorite person to eat them with who made me love them all over again. I will enjoy the momentary silence instead of run away from it, taking time to reflect on the Lover of my soul, remembering at I am not made for this world and that my longings will be fully satisfied one day.